Well, the semester is almost over. I have one class left to worry about and that's my writing class. I have to finish this 10 page research paper by tomorrow. I'm not certain what my grades are yet in my other classes but I am pretty sure I passed them with 'B's or higher. My best guess on my writing class grade (if I ever get this paper done) is a 'C'. It's not that I am a bad writer, I'm just not good at following directions and meeting deadlines. That seems to be what lower level classes are all about, not how smart or talented or interested you are in the subject. It's about being professional and doing what you are told.
When my grades get posted on the 19th I can apply to be a degree seeking student at HPU and start the summer semester in June! One step at a time, though. Still, it's good to have goals. I decided to stick with college, get my degree and, if I play my cards right, get a masters in English/ Literature. Maybe I'll teach or maybe by then I will be making a living writing books. Who knows.
I'm back on the Zoloft so things are looking a bit brighter. I am not happy with the side effects of the drug but it's better than sliding into the pit of despair that I just recently crawled out of. At least I don't have to worry about birth defects. One may argue that there are some dangers in taking this drug (I don't know) but from a perspective of a guy who drinks too much, chain smokes, lives on Ramen and coffee and spends 90% of his waking hours sitting in a chair, I think that the bad side effects to any drug I start now are a joke compared to side effects of my bad habits. 'What's gonna kill me first?'
Either way I have a job to do. I have to accomplish something in my life. I am still seeking immortality in text. Maybe I could start some weird literary cult that will live on after I'm gone. Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbord! I read somewhere that he was challenged by one of his fellow writers to create his own religion. So he wrote Dianetics.
I'm not certain but isn't that what started Scientology?
Anyhow, we'll see. I don't have kids so I guess I just want to leave some foot print on this earth before I am gone. Something that says Nosmo was here! I will probably just die in some gutter, alone, afraid and forgotten. Ahhh, silly life.