Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Lack of Title Can Be Dangerous

Another paragraph from my writing project:

An ocean of bright green grass carpeted the valley floor, a vibrant sea broken by foamy swells of wild flowers of every color imaginable. The eastern shores were foliage covered hills in the distance, dressed in tall azure pines and bright pink broad leafs. Beyond that Blue could not see. To the south rose columns of smoke or steam, possibly civilization but more likely hot springs and to the north the plains were unending, curving majestically to meet the amber sky.

So, it's Tuesday. And I have two root canals scheduled for today in the afternoon. Then, bright and early tomorrow morning I go back for oral surgery and a bone graph. The following morning (Thor's Day), when I am completely high and happy on pain killers, I will be headed back to get a temporary dental bridge installed (which means for 20 hours or so, after tomorrow's surgery, I'll be walking around with stub teeth, looking all hillbilly like).

So, it's Tuesday. I have been living in a daze as of late. I think that is why I contemplate about life so much, I'm afraid of losing control, afraid of the days slipping by unnoticed. I have to stop often, remind myself what day it is, what time it is, what things I have to do and what I have done that day. I have to search for meaning in everything I do, every minute of the day or I will lose myself. That's my biggest fear in life. That's why I hesitate to get drunk or feel guilty getting high (even if I am prescribed drugs!). I am afraid of losing time, it's so precious.

And yet, every precaution I heed, every step towards remaining mentally coherent in the present that I take, I keep slipping up. I keep making mistakes. I sleep the day away. I lose myself in fruitless acts like web surfing or vegging out in front of the T.V.. I have good intentions to be a better person but lack of discipline holds me back.

Oh well.


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