Friday, December 11, 2009

Mr. G?

Gullible. Is that me? Am I attracted to those who desire to use me? I am are your pay check, nothing more, perhaps I am your salvation from single motherhood and poverty, perhaps I am your fantasy to make your life a bit better?

But in the end who amongst you would throw yourselves down in front of a speeding train to save my life? Who amongst you would risk everything to follow my silly dreams? No one. Not one of you. Because I'm a silly dreamer and that's not being a responsible adult! I got my head in the clouds and you can't pay the bills with rain drops and sky fluff. I'm a romantic but that doesn't come with a lifetime guarantee of security.

Well, I have a reality for you! The average American lives to the age of what? 70 maybe 80 years old. I'm 34 now. Almost half my life is over and it seems to have gone by like a blur. The older I get that faster it flies!

What do I mean by this? I mean that I'm not certain whether I have time to be gullible, to be used, to sit here day after day forcing myself into a numb trance of false contentment because I fear to make the wrong choices, because I fear pain and heart ache and lost love and LIFE!   To hell with that.

I'm going to live without bonds. I'm going to do everything and anything within my power to live this last half of my life to the fullest. I am going to dream and I am going to make those dreams come true, and if I can't do that then I'll make new dreams and make those come true. I am going to walk through the fire, jump off the tallest building, write the books  in my head, sing the songs in my heart, love the girls of my dreams, eat the best foods and dance until the morning comes!

Life, my friends, is too short. Days turn into weeks and years and decades and one day you'll be lying there on your death bed reflecting on your life, on the good and the bad. You will ask yourself, 'Did I have a good life? Did I do everything I wanted to or at least make an honest attempt at it?' Well, I want to be able to say yes and right now I'm not sure I can say that. Not even close.

1 comment:

  1. You just do whatever the hell you want to do!