Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Evening After

Nothing. Nothing can replace your first love. I don't care how in love you are now, it will never be like your first love and that's sad. Sometimes, I wish I could have met my wife when I was in high school. Sometimes I wish my high school sweetheart was still mine.

I guess you could call it 'love virginity'. And when it's been taken you can never get it back, no matter how much you may want it, no matter how much you think this new love deserves it.

I feel guilty thinking about her. But then again she was a part of my life, a very important part, a part that is lost forever except in my mind, in my telling of tales and, on good nights, in my dreams.

I love my wife, dearly. She is my life. But she will never be my first love. She is my first wife and hopefully my only, which is just as important. But first love? No. I can't say that. But then, I have loved a lot.

Yes, dear mislead reader, despite my bitter, depressing rants, you have to know, I have loved a lot. From girlfriends, a fiance, a wife, strangers, women that don't even exists, I even fell madly in love with a stripper once (that cost me some money). I have loved and lost and loved and lost time and time again. 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all', they say. Well, I've got that covered.

But the first love... you don't forget that smell, that sound, that look in her eye when you realize she loves you. The feeling of fear and love and lust and... all mixed together. There is nothing like first loves. Nothing. Nothing, dear reader.

-Nosmo (Nothing)

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