Saturday, October 15, 2011

What I Got Out of Classical Studies Class

So, I wrote this one act play after finishing the Iliad for my Classical Studies class. I hope you enjoy it.

Greek Orthodox

Hera: Well, now what?
: Meh. Start over again, I guess. What do you think about Greece?
Hera: For cooking?

Zeus: No, no. As a name for a country.
Hera: Whatever. But promise me no more one eyed giants and harpies and that kind of junk.  Ok?

Zeus: Ah. Let me have my fun! We’re running out of time anyway.

Hera: What in Cronos’ name are you talking about, ‘running out of time’?
Zeus: You ever heard of the Jews? Taking over management soon. We’re going to be obsolete.

Hera: What?
Zeus: Yeah. They said something about this Jesus guy. I don’t know. He sounded like a real downer to me. ‘For all have sinned, love ONE god with all your heart.’ One god. You believe that? I mean, I’m cool with it except that the one god isn’t me.

Hera: Who is it?
Zeus: Some dude. I don’t know. Yahweh or something like that.

Hera: Sounds like a tool.
Zeus: I know, right? He’s a god. He gets to pick his own name and that’s the one he picks?

Hera: So, what you’re trying to say is you’re going to be unemployed soon?
Zeus: Umm. Yup.

Hera: Great.

Zeus: I’m still getting 1% royalties off of that Homer guy. And do you know how much gods get for unemployment?
Hera: No, how much?

Zeus: Well… I’m not sure. But I bet it’s a lot.
Hera: We could take out a second mortgage on Olympus. And I could work at Aphrodite’s beauty salon. We’ll make ends meet.

Zeus: Cool. You know, I hope this Yahweh doesn’t do the whole lightning bolt thing. Remember that Thor guy? God, was he annoying.
Hera: Yeah. I remember him.

Zeus: I remember I says to him one day, ‘Thor, dude, that’s my thing, man.' You know what he said to me?
Hera: No. What?

Zeus: I’m going to be a famous comic book character one day. La de da! Comic books? Are you shitting me? Hey Sven, you ever heard of the Iliad? I’m all over that bitch! Comic books. Whatever.
Hera: He sounds like a tool.

Zeus: I know, right?


1 comment:

  1. Bwaaaaaahhahahahahahahaha!

    Brilliant! This is SO much better than Shakespeare.