Friday, April 15, 2011

It's Friday I'm in Peril

I don't deserve the good. If there is one thing I have come to realize over the past few days it is that. I'm not trying to get down on myself or have a pity party here, just stating the facts. I have had nothing but good luck in my life, or as much good luck as a slacker such as myself could hope for, and yet I have done nothing with it. I have talents (not at blogging of course) and I have, so far wasted them. I have been giving the upper hand at birth:
born a white male in a predominately white society, born to good parents who encouraged me to be all I could be, I am 6 foot tall (which is average) I have blond hair and blue eyes. At 35 I still have a full head of hair. I have nice broad hands and a deep sexy, voice. I am creative. I am wise. I am well thought and relatively well read. I am funny and witty (not always the same thing).
Yet here I am: I have accomplished nothing worthwhile. I have no job. I am (as of now passing all my classes) but it's only a matter of time before I screw that all up. I have a horrible marriage. I stood up the only girl in the world that loved me for me. My house is a mess (town house rental mind you, I have never bought a house before).
Oh well, I could argue until I was blue in the face about what I should have done. I could lament about all these gifts being squandered. I could rant and rave that life is unfair or that I'm just a slow starter and life began without me or at least rushed ahead while I fell behind.
But looking back there have been quite a number of good times, narrow escapes and experiences that I would not trade for anything. My first kiss, making love in the woods, my trip to Russia (x2), the first time I stood lookout on a U.S. Navy submarine, the feeling of freedom, love, hate, revenge, the smell of a Texas grass hopper nuked in the microwave, getting lost in downtown Dallas, an evening spent at a strippers house in Connecticut. Humm. Wow, that's just the tip of the iceberg. I wonder if I could say I have led an interesting and exciting life? I guess I could.
Thanks, dear readers for helping me through this. You're all A+ in my book!


  1. I read just yesterday that society's view of what is successful does not have to be yours. So screw it - if you are relatively happy and figure the trade-offs have been worth it to live a different, less ordinary life and you've enjoyed it then who cares what the "norm" is.

  2. If you're not locked in a Prison getting ass-raped by a 7 foot brotha named "Rolo", I don't want to hear your drivel.

  3. Oh yeah yeah. You know yesterday was such a strange day. Couple weeks ago I stopped taking my meds and I'm learning to readjust. I had been alright until last Thursday. I am capable of controlling my chemical imbalance, I have done it before, but I didn't need to worry when I was on Zolof. But now I have to relearn how to spot the symptoms and avert my dangerous train of thought.