What a long boring weekend. I did nothing of interest. Last night, however, while out walking the dog, I began thinking about life, my life. And came to a conclusion that it's more important for me to do the right thing and forsake my dreams of doing the great thing (for now). Too often, I have dreamed big and failed. Too often, when faced with the need to change, I set goals too high. I mean after all if you're going to do something why not do it to the extreme.
Unfortunately, when striving for unattainable greatness I find that I spend more time lying flat on my face than anything else.
So, first I questioned my desire for greatness. Why do I want to be great and thus immortal? I think that I fear being forgotten. I don't have kids to remember me when I am gone and even if I did how long will that memory last. For instance, everything I know about my grandfathers (both) could be summed up in a paragraph. They did nothing outstanding or memorable. I don't want to go that way. So, even if I did have kids that would be no guarantee of immortality.
And so my immortality would have to come in the form of creative work. Think of all the writers, artists, actors, politicians that have passed away but are still a big part of our lives. I know quite a number of them that have died before I was born who are still a big part of our culture. Like J.R.R. Tolkien. His books were recently made into movies, as well as games. His books are still discussed, read and enjoyed by millions. Infact, there is only one book that has been translated into more languages than the Lord of the Rings and that's the Bible. Sure, Tolkien could very well be burning in hell right now. But a part of him, the best part, was left behind. In a way he still lives! IMMORTALITY!
But why am I not there? Why does it seem that everything I do fails? Lack of discipline. True. But how does one develop discipline? Doing the right thing, from simple routines of hygiene, taking care of financial issues early instead of waiting to the last minute, rituals, healthy living. In short, choosing to do the right thing every moment of the day.
I could write an entire essay, nay, a book on doing the right thing and the benefits it brings in reference to meeting goals of greatness but I won't here. And the majority of them you could surmise as easily as I could (maybe more so).
One step at a time to be a better me. I don't want to stop a mediocre but a can't miss the steps in between either. That's the moral of the story, at any rate. Peace.