Thursday, December 31, 2009

Stretch of Eternity Unfathomable

Where am I? What day is it? Why does my heart ache? How can it hurt so much? Wait, here I am right here and it is today. My heart aches because I have loved too hard. It hurts so bad because it is so exposed to you.

Sometimes I am afraid. I am afraid that I am buying a ticket to nowhere, yet again. I am afraid that I have exposed my heart too soon or too much. I am afraid that I have fallen into your web and that I don't want to get out, despite the danger. I am afraid of having you and losing you, wanting you but being unable to reach you. I am afraid of time, today and tomorrow and even yesterday.

I cannot ask you to give away everything just for me. It would be wrong and I would never be truly happy with that. It would be dark cloud that would haunt us forever. But then, I cannot imagine the wait, it seems a stretch of eternity unfathomable, a chasm of my life that I may never get to cross. If my madness doesn't kill me first I may very well succumb to my vices or mental imbalances. You are my healer too far away to touch me. Without you? That is a thought I cannot abide.

There you are on the brink of it,
Teetering, threatening to drop.
If you take the plunge,
You may loose it all.
You pull your roots from the earth,
Nothing can ever be the same.
You've grown in deep.
Sturdy are your commitments,
Sturdy are your loves.
But I cannot stop the falling axe,
The blade that bites deep with destiny,
The love that cuts into your heart,
And you want more.
You cannot understand the fervor at which I swing,
You cannot believe that the deeper I cut
The sooner you fall in my arms.
Should I stop the rhythmic chopping?
Should I put the blade away?
Perhaps you are not ready?
Perhaps you are a sapling that needs more time to grow?
Perhaps I cannot help but to swing again.
I am sorry.


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